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Because I Was Abused - Order Now

Transcript (with creative licence to make it a bit easier for the reader to follow)

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That’s this morning and that year I love it when people contact and connect with me
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Either through Facebook friends or just directly on Facebook. That’s exactly what’s happened here
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Romecca Sawers here. She’s written a book called because I was abused and you know initially
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you get a story like
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Like this one and you think
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Oh, oh, yeah, how we gonna handle this on the radio?
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But having had communication with this lovely lady on Facebook is the story that we have to share
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Welcome to one of our FM. Thank you very much Mike. Thanks for having my ID. Thank you for lighting up the room
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I saw you wise if this was TV that that’s a story starring colorful colorful top you got on this morning
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You know when you think of the you story of survival where you are today?
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Will you go back to where it was when and obviously the sort of background?
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I mean just reading some of the information that you’ve got on here you had huge struggles with addiction it was drugs
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There was alcohol eating disorders bulimia. You even try to say your own life
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Yes, would you ever have imagined at that darkest time that you’d be where you are now? Absolutely not. No
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I was just thinking about that this morning as I received a beautiful letter from a young client and I just thought I never
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Thought that I would have that moment to be able to make an impact in someone’s life in such a way
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So I’m very very grateful but it shows that you had an inner strength. You probably didn’t even realize yes. Yes stubbornness
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Yeah, that’s not wanting to give up really it
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Was that mental battle of yes?
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wanting to but deep down there was just that Drive that there was something there was a reason for me to keep going just
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Very briefly sort of going back what were people aware of this abuse that was going on during your childhood?
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Yes, and yes, and no
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So it was a bit of a so my mom had I had reported it
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because friends of mine had seen welts on my body just from the domestic abuse and
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And I had reported it child services were
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Involved and on the day that I was to go to court
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sitting right next to the Child Protective Services
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agent I was told prior to before walking into the court that I had to say that I had lied because
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I was going to be ruining my family that played a huge role on me for me to be able to going look
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I don’t want to be the reason to ruin my younger brother’s lives and take away their father, basically
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But was what was a suffering from abuse as well not
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From the spankings. Yes sewed so that but not the sexual abuse. No, yeah
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I was the only girl and I was the child in the middle
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so basically
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you thought this is it we’re gonna get this done in dusted and then you were told that you so so basically it was a
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Blame thing so you and I’m guessing yeah blaming yourself. It was your fault that this was taking place
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Absolutely, so that guilt and what that had done for me. Was that for the rest of my life anything?
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I had spoken and I felt as though it was a lie
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Yeah
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so
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from then on it was that seed that just made me think I was not going to be able to go out and share my
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Story and that I was not going to be believed
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So that was something I struggled with to be able to get to where I am today Judith. What was the trigger?
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What was that turning point? You thought no, I’m not gonna be a victim anymore. Yes, well
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It was definitely down the Gold Coast’s in twenty twenty ten
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and I had already had my daughter and my son and
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for a while there were there were little moments throughout my life where I just felt like I didn’t want to but it was just
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Such a struggle
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It was such a battle within my mental health, you know
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Just within my mind that I could and that I couldn’t you know that it was good that I was bad
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so the moment when I was down in the Gold Coast and I write this in the book about
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where it was that nights when I had gone out and I had drunk myself, silly and
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was ready to take my life and
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and I saw my children in the car cuz my husband came looking for me and
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the next morning
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I woke up to a recording I had left for myself wait for the family and I was just it just was it
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Sounded like it was just somebody else
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And I knew that when I had drunk and when I got drunk that I went through
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stages from being a happy person
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To a person who was angry to a person who was just ready to take me in my life
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and so it was at that moment that I realized that I
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had to take my life and you know and
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Take it back and no longer be a victim and no longer let what had happened
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Take it over my life and just run the rest of my life
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And I would imagine for you kids growing up see mom in that condition was was you know, not good for them
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But for your husband I would imagine that
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Difficult time as well. Yes, but he’s been absolutely amazing just to be able to go through and
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to carry a lot of that for for us as a family and for him to sit there and
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To be
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Unsure what else to do, you know just not knowing how else he can support me, but you know
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ultimately him being there him him staying there and and
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Understanding having that empathy and being able to speak when I would say I was worthless
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Him saying that no, I wasn’t I actually was worth so much more. I just couldn’t see it
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That’s the thing. I guess you can’t insure into such a mindset that you you feel
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No, I don’t you just saying that these are just words. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m for the kid
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I mean for the kids now, they obviously see mom the way you are now. I mean, what a transformation
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absolutely, my my children, you know, I’m very grateful for them and my daughter especially because
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there was a moment I
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Saw myself as being an abuser as well
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I had to be realistic with myself to be able to heal and move forward and and part of that was going look I am
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Repeating this cycle of the abuse in a different way but to my family and I don’t want my daughter
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You know when I when I was a little girl and I did have one dream of having a little girl who I could love
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cherish and protect and
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I saw that what I was doing the verbal abuse and throwing a cup across the room and and
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you know just cracking it that was causing emotional abuse to her and
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And to my husband and my son and it was just like, you know, I can’t I can’t continue doing that
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That’s not loving cherishing and protecting her and so she deserves that they deserved that that’s safe. Oh
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yeah, so my daughter is 16 and
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with attitude, of course
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She’s absolutely she is so so smart and I just adore her and my son who is such a cheeky little fella
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He’s 10 years old
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Has the wit of a wise man, he’s just so clever and very quick so far you saw him
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Just kind of thinking about he probably doesn’t remember when Mum was are her lowest. Yes. Whereas you daughter will yes
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Um, do you have you got the kind of relationship where you can sit down and talk openly about what you went through?
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Why you went through that absolutely so both my children have read my book. Oh
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Yeah, because it was quite important to one for me not to
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To cover it and to hide it because it is part of who I am
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It’s part of where I’ve come from and and why I continued to fight and why I’m passionate about certain things
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But also to let them know that I am not perfect. I am a human being and
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Exactly, and we’ve all had struggles and and for them to know
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now
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Because later on in life, whatever it is that they do they’ll already have been prepared
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There’s there’s no lie, or there’s nothing that’s covered up that they don’t know about
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So yeah, it’s really thinking about them in the future if you had one message of so, I’m just sort of visualizing, you know
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Somebody listening right now that may be going through something similar. I have gone through something similar
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What’s the one piece of advice that you give them? Yeah
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definitely seek support if they don’t have support to
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Find someone that they trust so whether it’s a psychologist whether it’s a partner
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Whether it’s a parent just reaching out and starting to talk about it. I’m here. I’m happy to speak with anyone
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of course and
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Not to give up because there is there is hope there is good that cut that can come from
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The hurt and we can be healed. Yeah and very often
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I’m you know
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We talked about all sorts of subjects on this show over the past few years
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Very often that the nearest and dearest the parent. First of all doesn’t see it and secondly refuses to acknowledge it. They’re almost blinkered
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Oh, no, no, no he or she would not behave like that
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Yes, so he’s getting beyond that and then going back to what you said, you know
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You have been made to feel it’s your fault. And you know, if the family split up is it’s all down to you
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It’s about having that strength. Oh, okay. Well if they’re not listening somebody else is listening
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Absolutely, and and really just getting away from the shame that it’s not our shame to carry
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It’s not our guilt to carry it. We weren’t the ones who did the hurt
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So it’s really just offloading that and giving it ultimately giving it back to where it belongs. It’s not ours
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So so so not only you sort of pouring everything into your own family you SAP a charity as well. Tell us about that
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Yes mint arises the name of the charity and I started that in last year in November
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2018 and
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While I was writing the book, so it was actually just coming together perfectly
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it was quite a challenge because these were unfiltered territories for me and
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I just had to keep keep going. So today the charities we support survivors of child sexual abuse
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We are a not-for-profit. So we do rely on funds raised and donations
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So far we’ve been able to use the donations. We have been raising for therapy for the children and
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An adult so we have women’s men’s group as well
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we go out and we have counselors and
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I’m just trying to think what else we have. We have so much happening. We have educational resources
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why don’t you go into the schools and
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My biggest thing is going if we can educate the children
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That’s a way of protecting them and protecting them before it happens because once it happens, it’s too late
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And there’s the trauma the lifelong trauma and and obviously the downward spiral that can that can happen
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So it’s going look it might be a topic that people might feel uncomfortable with and don’t want to talk about
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look it’s way easier to talk about it and equip them with it with the what they need to do to be able to put
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Keep protected. I’m just taking taking that first book
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It’s all because I was abused from victim to empowered women Rumaki. You are an inspiration. Thank you a very strong lady
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So thank you so much for sharing your story with us
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If people want to find out more get a hold of the book, how do they do that? Yes. Sure
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they can go on to mentor is calm and or go onto our Facebook page and
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Or just email me our Facebook page is meant to rise or email me at MTO our president at gmail.com
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And I can connect them. Thank you
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And if you missed any of those details, you know, you can always give us a call here three eight
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Oh eight eight one or one Rebecca. Thank you so much for being with us ain’t like that. Just keep up the good work
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You’re doing great. Thank you. So
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There you are our final guests on the show today

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